being a mom is hard; be gentle with yourself.
Being a mom is hard, and some days, I want to run away.
I want to grab my purse, a good lipstick and drive for a few hours.
Someone recently told me that I make motherhood look easy; it was a beautiful compliment but I assured them that mothering little humans is the hardest thing that I’ve ever done.
I know I’m a great mother, but I have moments when it feels like I’m failing at this gig.
The girls are growing and their hormones are changing; it’s been a whirlwind of tears, screaming matches, semi-emotional breakdowns and stank attitudes.
I wish that I could say that it’s just the girls who display these behaviors, but admittedly, I do at times as well.
Yesterday was one of those days when I just wanted to run away.
I wanted to get in the car and drive as far away from them as possible.
Nasir was screaming over any and everything.
Ariela refused to do her schoolwork.
Amaris complained about cleaning and continually challenged my parenting decisions.
The house was [is] a mess.
The sink was [is] filled with dishes.
There was [is] a pile a dirty laundry that needed washing.
There was [is] a pile of clean laundry that needed folding and to be put away.
There were so many foul attitudes flying through this house that it became unbearable.
It was all hitting a boiling point and I broke down crying.
We had to stop doing schoolwork and watched movies—it was just one of those days.
I felt like the women in the old tv commercial and I wanted to scream, “CALGON, TAKE ME AWAY!”
“Being a mom is hard; parenting is hard. Remember to be gentle with yourself. ”
being a mom is hard
I won’t attempt to write an eloquent speech on a mother’s love because most of us are aware of the sheer magnitude of motherhood.
We’re the molders of hearts.
We’re the givers of life.
We’re teachers.
We’re cheerleaders.
We’re coaches.
We comfort during difficulties.
There are so many different roles that a mother plays, and at times, it’s a challenging balancing act between them all.
And to be honest, some days, I feel totally unappreciated. I give deep love to each of my children, I sacrifice so much to ensure they are well cared for, and sometimes they bombard me with complaints about the pettiest things.
Sometimes, it’s grumblings over not having enough snacks in the house because I may have missed going to the grocery store because I was caring for one of them when sick.
Sometimes, I put tons of effort into planning special outings for them only to hear complaints.
Somedays, it’s murmurings that there isn’t enough garlic in the pasta after spending time cooking for them when I could have been writing blog posts.
Somedays, it’s meltdowns from not getting their way.
Don’t get me wrong, they are grateful children but like most children, they have their ungrateful days. But can I really fault them? I’m an adult and still have to remember to practice gratitude at times.
Sigh.
Being a mom is hard.
intentional parenting is hard
I try my best to practice intentional parenting and to give my children dignity and respect. I want to encourage them to be their best creative selves, and I want to ensure that I validate their whole person. I give space to allow their spirits to soar and to reach their highest heights, and I want to support them in achieving their wildest dreams. As a survivor of childhood trauma, I am extra aware these issues and do my best to fill each one of my children’s lives with love, safety and confidence.
This is all sounds lovely, but parenting with a purpose is not for the faint of heart. It takes a lot of self-love, self-awareness, self-forgiveness, self-sacrifice and patience. And while I believe in this parenting style, I also feel that the whole movement of purposeful parenting via social media has put too many harsh expectations on parents.
These expectations of perfection have been especially brutal on the self-esteem of mothers.
In an ideal world, every word that came from my mouth would flow like sweet honey and affirm my children’s souls…but this doesn’t always happen.
There are days when, in intense moments, it’s easier to say, “don’t hit your sisters!” rather than, “Nasi, we use gentle and loving touches with our sisters.”
I have a child who is very sensitive and I do my best to care for her emotional needs and to understand her heart. But there are days when I don’t use the best “highly sensitive child parenting strategies” and I struggle with my patience.
I want to empower my children and allow them to question and challenge. Then there are days when I want to yell, “because I said so and that’s just the way it is!”
I tell my children, “hide God’s word in your heart” and then I fail to respond gently in a way that turns away wrath. (Proverbs 15:1)
The reality is that no matter how many positive parenting books one may read, one may not always exemplify perfect patience in parenting.
parenting is hard.
Some days, I want to run away
It’s true.
And don’t feel bad about yourself if/when you feel the same way.
As much as tiny humans can be amazing souls, they can also be major little bitches.
This is just a fact.
Some days are just complete chaos and stressful beyond belief.
Some days, the stress and responsibility of it all can be completely overwhelming.
Some days, you won’t have a perfect balance between it all.
Some days, I just need to take a moment to walk away and regroup.
Some days, I want to run away to an island all by myself and then come back after a few days.
This is real life mothering.
“Having hard days and dreaming of escaping the circus that parenting can be, does not make one a bad mother. It also doesn’t mean that one does not love one’s children with one’s whole heart. ”
You are going to have really hard days.
Be gentle with yourself.
You’re going to have days when you wonder if it’s all worth it.
Be gentle with yourself.
You’re going to have days when you may yell and lose your temper.
Be gentle with yourself.
Children’s moods and behaviors are unpredictable at times.
Be gentle with yourself.
You are not perfect.
Be gentle with yourself.
You may need to get away for a bit.
Be gentle with yourself.
Being a mom is hard.
Be gentle with yourself.
Being a mom is hard; parenting is hard.
Not every day will play out like a heart touching story of perfect behavior, perfect smiles, hugs and kisses.
There are some days when I just want to run away from it all.
If you’ve ever felt the same way, take a deep breath and exhale as you are not alone. You’re just experiencing what we’re all experiencing: real motherhood.
be gentle with yourself.
Further Reading on parenting and motherhood
Give Yourself Permission To Be Weak
Sometimes, You Just Have To Step Away
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